31 days later...

& 1 week into work, it's not easy to handle... in fact, i haven't been doing much this week since work started. my mother & wife have been taking care of my little girl... sometimes, i wonder if my daughter will know who i am if this continues. i'll certainly look into how to be involved in her life, to guide & love her (& hopefully be the 1st person she'll call when she falls). there's also a lot of security issues that i have to settle (nothing to do with Mr Mas, or Mr Ang who went to Vietnam & back w/o a valid passport), not that i have settled it all, but at least not as lost as i was the last few days.

certainly, it's exciting being a father, longing to carry her everyday. but the fear of not being a good father lingers, & i know i need to rely on God for His guidance in good fatherhood. many times, with the little time i have left, i would rather spend it stoning or sleeping. Lord break into my life, help me believe, in faith i receive Your breakthru for me...

of postnatal blues

i m so lonely... oh so lonely... just like a flower, i'm growing wild... nobody wants me, i m nobody's child... cellophane, Mr cellophane, shoulda been my name, Mr cellophane, they could look right thru me, walk right by me, & NEVER know i'm there...

Of Many Sleepless Nights... Ahead

i do suffer sleepless nights in this 1 week Esther is home, but din really have to take care of her. my mother & wife would be there... sometimes i wonder if i m useless. on the other hand, i m more handy in picking up stuff and running errands here & there, transporting them to & from clinics & hospitals. so to each his/her own gifts...

there r so much to learn, so much to do when a child comes. & i wonder how many parents could simply get pregnant & give birth w/o thinking of the troubles they'll have to face taking care of the child. & i m amazed at how many parents can simply bochup in caring, guiding, teaching & disciplining the child. worse, many fathers thot that they only have to sit & command respect from his family w/o doing anything for them, some even to the extend of not working. during Grace's stay at the hospital, we have observed at least 2 husbands who simply do nothing, & failed to observe that their wives may be falling into a state of depression due to the lack of emotional support... pray i be vigilant & not fall into this category...