L-O-V-E, more like the lack of the understanding of it... (2nd Edition) [Commitment]
Commitment is not a easy word to spell in a relationship. It takes two persons to get it right. When I first wrote about commitment, I did wonder if I was too new in a relationship to really know what commitment is all about. However, as I reviewed my past articles, I realized that I had not change much in terms of my beliefs in being committed in our relationships. The only difference I have, I suppose, is that I have grown in understanding of the word commitment in a more practical aspects & I have seen and been through times when my commitment to my relationship with Grace have been tested.
I have always believed that BGR is NOT just a term, or a plaything. Neither is it some trial period for 2 persons to get together "to see if we are suitable for each other" or “because we love each other”. I have always believed that God has the intention to put 2 right persons together at the right time for the prospects of a marriage, & that God doesn’t put 2 persons together for the fun of it & break them up after He had fun with them. Many times, it is us who do not seek God or godly counsel before we take a step into a relationship, only to find out after that that the person we are dating is not really the person God has meant for us, or that the timing is not right thus causing the relationship not to work out the way we hope it to be. We often fail to realize that when 2 persons get together in a BGR, it is already a commitment to each other, saying that "I'll grow to be the person you want to marry." We have to have the future, the hope in our minds when we consider getting into a relationship, else both parties will get hurt eventually...
many people hold this idea, that commitment starts only when the 2 of you have been together for some time & thinking of marriage. The rationale is that unless the 2 of you said the wedding vows in the presence of a minister, your partner may not eventually be your spouse, & hence we can’t put in all our hearts to the relationship. But my understanding is that, if we can’t even be committed to serve our partners wholeheartedly in this 1 relationship for the few years before, what makes us think that we can be committed to our spouses for the rest of our lives? As Christians, I would choose to believe that all Christians will not two-time our partners. Isn’t this commitment to our partners already? Why then do I still need to discuss about commitment?
In theory, all Christians know that we are not to commit adultery, and in outward practice, we will not two-time our partners as well. However, by Jesus’ definition of adultery (“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28), how many of us can truly claim that he/she has never committed adultery before? One way to look at commitment is to know that we are sinful people & the only thing we can do is to confess and repent, and constantly remind ourselves of our partners.
The other way to look at commitment is to see the spiritual development and the biblical aspects. BGR is the 1st step towards marriage. Since marriage is sacred, BGR is therefore just as important, as it leads the B & G together on this R towards marriage. In a marriage, the husband’s role is to love his wife, “just as Christ loved the church & gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, & present her to himself as a radiant church, w/o stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy & blameless.” (Eph 5:25-27) The wife is to submit to her husband “as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, the body, of which He is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Eph 5:22-24) it is mammoth-task for anyone to truly fulfill these roles of a husband/wife as instructed by God thru Apostle Paul.
Therefore BGR is the stage through which the B & G get together & learn to fulfill these roles to each other, so that when they are finally married, they can be the husband & wife God has called them to be. How would a couple learn to become husband & wife if they are not committed to help each other grow in the Lord before they are married? Hence, commitment is not just about staying faithful to only 1 partner, but also to commit yourselves to bring each other up to the knowledge of the Lord.
I have always believed that BGR is NOT just a term, or a plaything. Neither is it some trial period for 2 persons to get together "to see if we are suitable for each other" or “because we love each other”. I have always believed that God has the intention to put 2 right persons together at the right time for the prospects of a marriage, & that God doesn’t put 2 persons together for the fun of it & break them up after He had fun with them. Many times, it is us who do not seek God or godly counsel before we take a step into a relationship, only to find out after that that the person we are dating is not really the person God has meant for us, or that the timing is not right thus causing the relationship not to work out the way we hope it to be. We often fail to realize that when 2 persons get together in a BGR, it is already a commitment to each other, saying that "I'll grow to be the person you want to marry." We have to have the future, the hope in our minds when we consider getting into a relationship, else both parties will get hurt eventually...
many people hold this idea, that commitment starts only when the 2 of you have been together for some time & thinking of marriage. The rationale is that unless the 2 of you said the wedding vows in the presence of a minister, your partner may not eventually be your spouse, & hence we can’t put in all our hearts to the relationship. But my understanding is that, if we can’t even be committed to serve our partners wholeheartedly in this 1 relationship for the few years before, what makes us think that we can be committed to our spouses for the rest of our lives? As Christians, I would choose to believe that all Christians will not two-time our partners. Isn’t this commitment to our partners already? Why then do I still need to discuss about commitment?
In theory, all Christians know that we are not to commit adultery, and in outward practice, we will not two-time our partners as well. However, by Jesus’ definition of adultery (“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28), how many of us can truly claim that he/she has never committed adultery before? One way to look at commitment is to know that we are sinful people & the only thing we can do is to confess and repent, and constantly remind ourselves of our partners.
The other way to look at commitment is to see the spiritual development and the biblical aspects. BGR is the 1st step towards marriage. Since marriage is sacred, BGR is therefore just as important, as it leads the B & G together on this R towards marriage. In a marriage, the husband’s role is to love his wife, “just as Christ loved the church & gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, & present her to himself as a radiant church, w/o stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy & blameless.” (Eph 5:25-27) The wife is to submit to her husband “as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, the body, of which He is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Eph 5:22-24) it is mammoth-task for anyone to truly fulfill these roles of a husband/wife as instructed by God thru Apostle Paul.
Therefore BGR is the stage through which the B & G get together & learn to fulfill these roles to each other, so that when they are finally married, they can be the husband & wife God has called them to be. How would a couple learn to become husband & wife if they are not committed to help each other grow in the Lord before they are married? Hence, commitment is not just about staying faithful to only 1 partner, but also to commit yourselves to bring each other up to the knowledge of the Lord.
