L-O-V-E, more like the lack of understanding of it… [yi]

{this entry is the intro to the few entries below. Read the entries in the sequence as u scroll down. DO NOT go to the other entries 1st!!! }

*intro*
wat is L-O-V-E? youngsters nowaday dunno wat love is... nope, i m not talking abt the general youngsters. i m talking abt Christian youths, youths according to the National Youth Council's definition of "youth", in which the word represents persons of the age group from 12 to 35. i m 23 this year, still very youthful, tho in this entry, i'll take the role of OldManKelTan or Ah_Peh18 (as i had always called myself since i was 18...) ;p

in the past 12 mths, i've encountered quite a wide range of love issues, particularly BGR... (i know MK is gonna grin big big when he reads this, right MK?) ;p over this one year, i've seen many get-togethers (including my own get-together with Grace), many BUs (Break-Ups, affectionately known as BUs by some of the grad Sci CFers), & also quite a number of infatuation & serious consideration of r/ships...

while i m happy for the couples God had placed together, i m grieved as well at the many pairs whom BUed this year, some of which lasted less than 6mths...in this entry, i shall attempt to touch on only the get-togethers & BUs. if u r interested to read some thots on singlehood, considerations, myb a bit bit on infatuation, i would like refer u to Josh Harris' "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" & "Boy Meets Girl"... closer to us, MK has written some thots too, so if u want to, u can click on his name on the right column on this page under "windows to lives around me". I’ll probably write abt infatuations too, but not in the near future, cos I’ll be quite busy for 3 weeks from next week onwards…

L-O-V-E, more like the lack of understanding of it… [er]

*kel’s thots on commitment*
i have always believed that BGR is NOT just a term, or a plaything. neither is it some trial period for 2 persons to get together "to see if we r suitable for each other" or “because we love each other”. RUBBISH!!! i have always believed that God has the intention to put 2 right persons together at the right time for the prospects of a marriage, & tt God doesn’t put 2 persons together for the fun of it & break them up after He had fun with them. Ask yourself, those who had more than 1 r/ship before. how does it feel when u & your previous partner BUed? u guys were practically torn apart, even tho u may put on a front & say, "we BUed peacefully, we realized God had different plans for us, so we BUed." Wat happens when this feeling of love between the 2 of u fades away due to various circumstances? “there isn’t anymore feeling between us, so we BUed…”

C'mon, pple of God... y must u get together, attached yourselves together emotionally, only to realize tt that wasn't God's plan for the 2 of u? din u know u have to seek God 1st via godly counsel before taking the plunge? when 2 persons get together in a BGR, it is already a commitment to each other, saying tt "i'll grow to b the person u wanna marry." we have to have the future, the hope in our minds when we consider getting into a r/ship, else both parties will get hurt eventually...

many people hold this idea, tt commitment starts only when the 2 of u have been together for some time & thinking of marriage. The rationale is tt unless the 2 of u said the wedding vows in the presence of a minister, ur partner may not eventually be ur spouse, & hence we can’t put in all our hearts to the r/ship. But my understanding is tt, if we can’t even be committed to serve our partners wholeheartedly in this 1 r/ship for tt few years before, wat makes us think tt we can be committed to our spouses for the rest of our lives? As Christians, I would choose to believe tt all u young Christians will not two-time ur partners. isn’t this commitment to our partners already? Why then do I need to discuss abt commitment?

BGR is the 1st step towards marriage. Since marriage is sacred, BGR is therefore just as impt, as it leads the B & G together on this R towards marriage. In a marriage, the husband’s role is to love his wife, “just as Christ loved the church & gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, & present her to himself as a radiant church, w/o stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy & blameless.” (Eph 5:25-27) The wife is to submit to her husband “as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, the body, of which He is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Eph 5:22-24) it is mammoth-task for anyone to truly fulfill these roles of a husband/wife as instructed by God thru Apostle Paul.

Therefore BGR is the stage thru which the B & G get together & learn to fulfill these roles to each other, so tt when they are finally married, they can be the husband & wife God has called them to be. How would a couple learn to become husband & wife if they are not committed to help each other grow in the Lord before they are married? Hence, commitment is not just abt staying faithful to only 1 partner, but also to commit yourselves to bring each other up to the knowledge of the Lord.

I have known people who fear commitment, perhaps due to previous bad experiences, I dun have any solutions for u, only God can heal u of ur past hurts. “Seek Him & He will be found when u seek Him with all your heart.” (Jer 29:13) there are also people who dun wanna be tied down by commitments, wanna be free to go anywhere, do anything. Yet amongst these 2 groups, there are some who still wish to enjoy close companionship with someone of the opposite sex. I have no commands from God for u, but just as Paul did in 1Cor 7, I would suggest tt u stay single & learn to be contented in the Lord until u are willing/ready to commit yourselves, so tt u dun hurt another person because of your lack of commitment.

L-O-V-E, more like the lack of understanding of it… [san]

*kel’s thots on perseverance*
let's look at 1Cor 13:7. "it always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres." Paul here is talking abt agape love, which can be applied to many aspects of life, & i m now applying it to BGR. before we start a r/ship, we must already know that the person we so-called love, is a totally different person from us; there is bound to be differences between the 2 of u. therefore, a couple will always have disagreements, tho not necessarily arguements. the last aspect in this verse says "always perseveres". as we love our partners, no matter wat happens, big/small arguements, crisis etc, we r to persevere in loving tt person we chose to b our prospective spouse. if we have not the future/hope in mind, i.e. marriage, how then can we have the motivation to persevere?

when i talk abt persevere, i did not mean "tolerate" or "ren" in Chinese. if a couple "tolerates" each other in a r/ship, it'll b just like blowing up a balloon. the more the couple tolerates, the more air pumped into the balloon, the higher the pressure build up inside. when 1 day both parties can't take anymore pressure, the balloon burst & the damage caused can be devastating. hurts may be brought into the next r/ship, causing more harm to the next partners.

"Persevere" has, to me, an idea of overcoming obstacles with achieving the goal in mind, being persistent in working out the r/ship. Perseverance in a r/ship is a commitment to stay faithful to tt 1 partner u have chosen. not only tt, it is to commit yourselves to bring each other up to the knowledge of the Lord, as mentioned in the earlier entry. As mentioned above, our partners are definitely different from us in many ways. In our perseverance to make the r/ship work, we are to communicate a lot with each other so tt we may better understand each other & work ard our differences. Only when we persevere together as a couple then we can compliment each other & make our differences work for the good of the r/ship. If only 1 party perseveres & the other gives up easily, the r/ship will fall apart 1 day. 1 hand can’t clap, only when 2 hands work together can there be an applause.

Persevere would also mean accepting each other’s shortcoming & help the other party overcome his/her weakness instead of being angry with him/her, encouraging him/her instead of being critical. There are times when the r/ship seems too difficult to continue due to various reasons. As a couple, we are to persevere together. If because a small bump, the couple easily gives up the r/ship, they will regret their decision 1 day. not only tt, their future r/ships will more likely face the same problems because they have not learnt to persevere together as a couple.

Having a r/ship is not easy, Grace & I can testify & identify with tt. Many times, she has to accept my impatience & constantly reminding me to be patient w/o turning impatient herself. I had to accept the fact tt she handles stress differently from me, & I have to constantly remind her to share her stress with me instead of storing the pressure within herself. These are just some of our many weakness tt we are learning to accept. If we are not looking at the future & the hope of marriage, if we dun persevere in this r/ship, we would have BUed on our 3rd mth together when we were both very stressed. On looking back, I thank God tt we had both persevered, wanting the best for our r/ship, & we are now happily looking forward to our future together.

L-O-V-E, more like the lack of understanding of it… [si]

*conclusion… for now*
I have shared with us wat’s happening among Christians youths (stress again: youths r people from the age-group 12-35 years old) in the aspect of BGR & some of my thots abt how some Christian youths perceive love & r/ships, some causes of BUs & 2 essential components of a r/ship: commitment & perseverance. Hope it has been useful to u in understanding love in BGR, & also as evaluation pointers for your own r/ship. This mini-series tt is written, is mainly inspired by the many BUs I see this year, & hence more tailored for those who are in a r/ship right now, reminding u wat a r/ship is & 2 essential aspects tt will keep a r/ship going happily.

There is a rising concern now for those who are not in a r/ship with anyone. Issues on wanting “love”, infatuations & crushes are quite pressing these days. I have seen youths of all ages facing these problems, esp the older youths. I’ll try to write the next mini-series for “the singles not wanting to be single” hopefully by end of the year…

Do gimme feedback for this mini-series via comment link or tag-board, so tt I may improve when I write the next mini-series… by the way, if u think this mini-series is helpful, u are free to give ur frens my blog link…

I Will Sing by Don Moen

this song speaks my heart...


I Will Sing by Don Moen

Lord You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
Tho I haven’t lost my faith
I must confess right now that it’s hard for me to pray

But I dunno wat to say & I dunno where to start
But as You give the grace with all that’s in my heart

I will sing, I will praise
Even in my darkest hour, thru the sorrow & the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honour You, bcos Your word is true
I will sing

Lord it’s hard for me to see
All the thots & plans You have for me
But I put my trust in You
Knowing that You died to set me free

But I dunno wat to say & I dunno where to start
But as You give the grace with all that’s in my heart

I will sing, I will praise
Even in my darkest hour, thru the sorrow & the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honour You, bcos Your word is true

I will sing, I will praise
Even in my darkest hour, thru the sorrow & the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honour You, bcos Your word is true
I will sing, I will sing, I will sing

75 hrs minus 2min Laying Hands on xXx…

in Christian terms, when we mention abt laying hands on someone, we usually mean praying for tt someone. Hmmm… ~75 hrs laying hands on… can’t imagine anyone laying hands on me for ~75 hrs… yup, I supposed I’ll be the most blessed person on earth to have someone loving me so much, such tt he/she lays a hand on me & pray for me ~75 hrs w/o sleep… think I’ll bochup the person for abt 3 times to sleep… ;p

yet somewhere in the heart of S’pore, there r 2 such persons, laying their hands w/o sleeping for ~75 hrs, with 12 times 5min breaks in between… hehz, perhaps they really r praying, praying tt they dun stop laying hands b4 the person does… yes, probably you would have guessed: it’s the Subaru WRX challenge!!! 238 contestants took part, & up to now, 2 of the 238 are still standing by the much coveted car, laying their hands on it… Hmmm, will the winner say, “I want a car, so I laid hands on it & prayed, & I got it…”

Hmmm… what makes these people brave the sun & rain to lay hands on a car, while we Christians rarely lay hands on one another to pray for them? I, for one, am guilty of not laying hands on fellow BnSiC regularly… Are you one of them too?