Long Time No Blog...

sigh... it's been about a month since i last blogged... while, it's been quite busy getting things done, thinking thru issues, trying to get myself healed from cough... it's not easy... sometimes, i do think abt the purpose of my blog these days... had been quite busy such tt i dun have time to sit down & think thru things for myself & to share it with people online... was thinking tt this blog has slowly turned to a rotting log with a "b" in front... lame... i know...

well... guess i'll still keep to simply put in occasional thots & things like tt... the thing is, i dun really have time to blog.. not tt i no time to think etc... but i'll take a really long time to get anything written, & by the time my blog is almost written, the topic is obsolete... so no point posting, right? i can't really type & think at the same time... okies, this is 1 rare occasion i m doing it...

watched "batman begins" yest... at scene where little bruce wayne told alfred tt he missed his parents, i thot to myself: will i miss anyone close to me shld he/she died suddenly? well, once in a while, i still missed my 4th aunt. she went Home last sept. but the missing her doesn't hinder any part of my life... continued probing my mind, i realized tt i would probably be able to move on quite fast shld anyone else close to me dies suddenly. dun really know if this is good or bad, whether i m heartless, or i've learnt tt the Lord is my reason of existence, not the person who just died.

then i went on to check if i m heartless by categorizing my friends & family into my social circles, u know, the innermost circle of people, the middle circle & outermost circle thingy? it was alarming to realize tt i have not allowed anyone, not even grace, into my innermost circle. those whom i m closer to (u know who u r, based to the type of sharing i have with u) i can only put them in my middle circle. only then did i realize that i m really not ready to open myself up to people. i've always have this fear of rejection, being ostrasized. i thank God that thru the Scriptures, He has assured me of His love, in a sense, i know at least God is really really for me... & i thank Him for bringing 2 persons into my life, whom i m more comfortable in sharing deeper stuff, one of which is grace, the other is a brother whom i dun really get the chance to meet up much, but is someone who will listen & pray for me. & i know this brother will certainly read this entry, right bro?

sigh... dun really know wat i m talking... but i hope to promote more people from the outer circles of my life into the inner ones, tt i may build a deep & authentic relationship with u guys...

Looking Back @ LPC'05

Leaders Planning Camp has just ended. it's the most tiring LPC of the 3 tt i've attended in my days in VCF. why? cos i was invited to VCF Exco officially on 31st May 05 as Teaching & Program Co-ordinator & almost immedately i had to start work. not tt i m complaining, in fact i enjoyed the work tt the Lord has given me after a good round of challenging my SQ (surrendered-ness quotient), but it was indeed tiring having to face with issues in VCF as a whole instead of my comfy level of "Sci Fac only"... i've nvr prayed so intensely in a camp b4, but the issues faced by the different FHS really brought the whole Exco on our knees till late @nite.

there are many things in my mind now, but m too tired to really think thru all of them... anyway, will have to do an evaluation as an Exco, so i'll just leave it for the time being... all i can say now is tt it's been a fruitful LPC seeing the power of the Lord... wat i m really really thankfully to the Lord, which i MUST highlight despite of my tiredness is tt He really knows the needs of the ministry & hears the prayers of His pple. as of my previous MSN nick, i was still desperately looking for pple to come into the Anntic comm.. thru LPC & after much prayer, the Lord brought quite a few pple to consider joining the comm. in fact, just b4 we break camp, a bro confirmed his joining the comm. it really made my day... Thank You Lord...

will try to update soon...